My Tub Gave Me the Slip

If you’ve ever remodeled a house you know for a fact that tubs are slippery characters. One of ours was quite the escape artist.

The 500lb claw-foot tub was NOT the one who got away. We eased that bad boy down 17 steps with an orange extension cord wrapped around his feet (and me wound in the same cord on the top step as a “safety precaution.”) It was the replacement tub/shower unit of our dreams that gave me the slip.

We hired a “by the hour” contractor to handle the more insanity-inducing aspects of the remodel. We cut costs by doing supply runs ourselves. My SUV was on auto-pilot to the home improvement store. A seasoned veteran could surely drive a shower home in a borrowed pick-up, right?

I knew I should have used that spool of rope I brought. Why did I believe the orange-aproned men who insisted that two bungee cords and “the sheer weight of the unit” were enough to secure my pricey purchase? At least my Spidey-senses warned me to drive slowly on that blustery day. Good thing.

Occasionally a brutal gust would catch the shower like a catamaran and the pick-up would lurch hard to the right. My eyes darted between the road ahead and my rear view mirror. The wind howled suddenly and the truck did a little “hop” as I approached a red light. I whipped my head back to check and saw…NOTHING!  

Instantly 3 thoughts arose, “Why didn’t I hear the crash? Did I kill anyone? How do I explain this to hubster?”

Then a strange rhythmic squeaking turned my attention to spy the tub bobbing beside the truck like a gigantic yo-yo. There she was, completely OUTSIDE the truck bed – riding like Aunt Ethel in a motorcycle sidecar!

“Aunt Ethel the Tub” was cheating over our lane into the right lane (dangerously near a new F150) and the light was about to turn green. I bolted into action.

You’ve heard of super-human adrenaline strength folks get in crisis situations? Yeah, I had that. 

I managed to heave-ho Ethel back to her rightful place and secure her freedom-lovin’ self…with the rope I should have used in the first place. After one extra light change I was on my merry way (ie: white knuckles & heart palpitations.)

I cruised (17mph) uneventfully the rest of the way. When I arrived home the contractor was waiting to hoist the tub over our second story deck with some jerry-rigged pulley system he created. It looked about as trustworthy as bungee cords. My question?

“Are you sure that thing will hold? I’d hate to wreck a new tub because it wasn’t properly secured.”

His response? “I’m a professional. I’ve never lost a tub.”

The final word was mine.

“Me neither.”